Who's your Daddy? :-D

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Secrets.
We keep these thoughts hidden from all else. Little bits of flotsam upon the placid ocean of our thoughts. Little messages in bottles that tell you where you are, where you stand, and what you really want out of a situation.

How do we really know who we are until we move into those deep dark depths inside of us? Do we realise when unconsciously we measure ourselves to the stated standards of someone who, by all counts, shouldn't matter to you?

Does the sunlight shine into the depths of you, to reveal all the things left behind - locked doors that hide memories, thoughts and desires, never to be expressed?

Hush, child - think not of these things. Live life. Move on, in ignorance.

Building Bridges

The gap into ruin - something to dread - has been ventured across. Cautiously, plaintively, a well of happiness inside of me begins to brim over. I feel relief, but in small amounts only; there is still the dread that the bad times will return. In this manner, I attempt to continue with life, as if nothing has happened - nothing has gone wrong, and life gives me new hope.

The dread remains a shadow. Dreams are steeped in dark shades of gray, as I try and come to terms with this new kind of life I have to lead. I dream on, waiting for the day that the dreams shall change to a reality that cannot be otherwise understood. To experience the feeling of being, and of being with someone. I live on in hope, and in love.

Withdrawal

Pulling away, like the tides of the ocean;
Yet, never to return to those shores.
Resigned to the exit that I choose to make;
I've never felt quite this way before.

Exhaustion fills all parts of me with pain;
I have no inclination to try and be.
It seems like an indelible dirty stain;
My determination I can no longer see.

I feel my skin crawl in the presence that once
Filled me with with both hope and joy;
I feel the anger and hurt that accompanies
How my only will to live is destroyed.

Oh, Dearie Me.

Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscripti catapultas habebunt.

Which means that if catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults. Interesting thing to note, is it not? That which you to deny to someone, you allow someone else to have. A someone else you do not have control over, a someone else who does not listen to you.

We deny ourselves things each and every day. We deny ourselves happiness. Experiences. Experimentation. Each and every day. Every instant. Is that fair? Should we allow others to have all of that which we do not have? Sure, there are parents, annoying teachers, self righteous friends, and lady preachers (incidentally, I liked that rhyme); I see roommates spending quality time with lady Mary Jane; I see people spending money and lying to parents to get back in the game. I see people being weak and going for admiration; I miss the strong people and the non-adulation.

I don't like the way the human race seems to be growing. I can't say I agree with the way people are taking the easy way out. I don't like the way that people are giving up thinking for pleasure. I don't like the fact that beauty is trumping brains.

I think the human race is evolving out of intelligence. I'm going to miss my sanctuary.

The Watcher

Ancient eyes watch without interest,
Gazing - sight watching over all beings.
Dark shadows move through the space,
Seeking to cover everything.
Small recollections form flashes of light,
That burn synapses and harm true sight.

-------------------------------------------------

Two small shadows seek to hide,
Seek company within each other.
Find a small enclosed space,
And erupt in unearthly rapture.

They then flee from the guardians of the light,
Escaping from authority they do not accept.
Try to escape once more into the deep dark night,
To find the route that no other suspects.

Vituperative, Vindictive and Killing -
All that is free.
And precious.
The rapture hangs, momentarily, in the air;
But soon, like all things, it must disappear.

It lives, now, only in their myriad thoughts,
Late at night, or in the early morn;
The scientist proclaimed that thought was not conserved;
Yet, all deep thinkers remember that they were born.
So, until such time it can be created again,
Let the shadows reach out for hope, then.

So much for my Happy Ending(s)?

I just love this picture. Taken from the poster of the movie of the same name as the words printed on that oh-so-small towel, I must say I'd watch the movie simply because of the poster. I like the whole joke, and the byline - "Everybody wants one". Sheer genius, I say. Good use of lighting make this poster seem less vulgar and more artistic, somehow. It takes away from the crudeness of it all, to some extent.

I'm not quite sure why I'm rhapsodizing about this picture. I'm sure it happens to people sometimes. Something that makes them feel like they ought to give it all away, pack up, give the butler his notice, and walk out the door to spend the rest of his life doing - NOTHING.

Sigh. I want to relax. Come home. Chill out. Be myself. I so desire to be myself. Sigh...

The past hits back!

Bleargh.

Once again, I find myself at the threshold of an examination I do not wish to give. A vicious cycle. You give one set, only to go forth to the next. True, once my journey in academia is over there shalt be no more exams; but in that time, I'll be tested on everything I do. Not exactly confidence inspiring, I say.

Further, I was shocked to realise how an utterly disgusting and monotonous exercise it is to go into the bloody details. Frankly, m'dear, nobody gives a damn. Sure, no one gives a damn about me, either. But somewhere, when few really care about the farce that is history, someone should come along and tell that annoying empress that she has no clothes on. Of course, if that was really to happen, we'd find ourselves looking at cobwebs, I'm sure. Bleh.

Why exactly do I run into the strange, annoying and idiotic people in life? Where are those 'like minded people' college is supposed to be full off? 'Tis all a bloody joke.

Emptiness and three year old retards.

I cannot understand the stupidity of women who believe themselves to be completely reasonable. Somewhere, her behaviour is unforgivable. Not to mention, excuses about other reasons for being upset make her that much more so. I can't believe she can't deal with things like these without turning into a complete dolt. Bleh. Women.

One would think drama is something not always necessary. Yet, they make it seem like a pre-requisite to breathing. The whole idea of being the way they are stems from their stereotypical desire to make an impact. I believe somewhere that the whole patriarchy deal has left women scarred psychologically for eternity. Now, it seems to be embedded in their character - since they tend to be physically weaker in some ways, they shall attempt to make it up by playing upon the heartstrings of the men. Of course, the men are to blame for being gullible enough...

Which leaves me with the conclusion that I'm a gullible idiot.

Sigh. I hate it when logic backfires.