Ever since I heard the Simon and Garfunkel song, I've been aching to be able to be so crazy as to go out into the world, greet lamposts, keep the fauna growing, and look for fun. In other words, I've always wanted to feel groovy.
It's been a strange kind of goal - one's ever-present desire to be 'cool' which encompasses all else is common, but a desire to be groovy - it means something substantially different to me. It means a more fundamental change in the nature of an individual which allows him to do crazy, happy, insane things without really having to worry about who's watching.
I've met and loved and been with so many different people - and I don't mean love in the strictly relationship/sexual sense. I mean that in the varied spectrum of people I've known, I've been lucky - but that my reactions to all of them has been the same, in the sense that it depends upon a clear and present standard that I apply to everyone beyond a certain point of proximity. Further, I've pushed some people away because of my nascent feelings of a certain type, for the simple reason that I don't want to do anything 'casual'.
Well, why must I take these things seriously? If I can't be happy and enjoy my life now, when will I? Of course, there are some things that must not be done, which would cause harm or pain to others - but if there is no harm, why must I have a guilty conscience? Why can't I live?
It sucks to be un-groovy. I'm trying.
Wish me luck.
