Talking Don't Come Easy, Now. The Words Get in The Way.

RANDOM FLIGHT WRITE -

Once again, I'm flying. Sitting inside a little pocket of oxygen and several Carbon based life-forms, I fly - a fragile existence; but, thankfully, a temporary one.

I cannot but help but think of the canine face of my near-most precious companion. And it bothers me that she can make me feel so incredibly guilty for going to do something that I have to. My parents - I miss them, but it's understood that I have to leave. They make it easy for me to go. Ria? No chance. Not a single one in hell. She ignores me until I leave. And it hurts. It truly does.

To someone who isn't a dog lover/pet owner, and even some who are, this might seem an odd kind of statement. All said and done, we ARE discussing a dog. A creature. As someone's being going to great lengths to point out, a non-human. Yet, I cannot but love her. And it hurts to leave her. It just does. Some part of it has to do with the way she makes no demand of me other than some attention, for which I'm adequately repaid. And when I say a little attention, I mean a large portion of time spent with a sock worn over one's hand, moving it about to present a target for her, so she can growl, bark, and mock bite it - all the while, her tail wagging so fast it could probably run half a city.

The point I'm trying to make here - there are simple joys, and simple pleasures in life. These come from simple creatures with simple wants, and desires. Yet, their simplicity does not make them any less valuable. In fact, it makes them more beautiful; for there is no deception. In some ways, they are more selfless and loving than any human being. My mother and father have expectations, and wants of me. My dog only wants a biscuit, now and then.

What does that say about human nature? I don't really want to get into it. That's something to be decided by those whose opinions matter. Because I've come to realise over numerous pointless debates online, that there isn't any such thing as a cogent, open argument that can be found. People just wish to be heard, and wish for their points of view to be accepted. I have nothing to gain from such an exercise.

Consider - I say that stray dogs be neutered and resettled outside the cities. The argument given against this? Rapid urbanization means that eventually the dogs will be back. To which, I say, keep them FAR from the cities. To which, again, the argument given is that the city will continue to expand.

Now, what does one say to this? It's retarded. The problem of shrinking natural spaces needs to be tackled, and is being so. People are working to find a means of co-existence. Taking a current problem, and assuming it into the framework of the other as a tool to predict the non-applicability of a suggested solution is ludicrous, at best. This is like saying that since we'll eventually urbanize the entire Earth, we might as well go and fill up the Canyons, dam the rivers, and destroy nature now. Or, at least, stop attempts to preserve these things.

I will no longer raise my voice. My voice, and the way I present it, is honed by an active participation in debates to be LOGICAL. Whether or not it always manages this is another story - but my goal in making any argument is to show that my conclusion and my stance are based on some rationale that I believe in. The attempt is to reduce the assumptions and beliefs as much as possible, such that the solution can be appreciated from the largest collection of starting points; that is, present a solution that logically deals with all the facets of the problem, such that they be solved to the maximum benefit of all parties involved.

For example, my idea of a solution to say, traffic congestion - better public transport. Why? For a bus, carrying 50 passengers, occupies much less space than, say, 12 cars, carrying four passengers each. If we improve public transport, people will no longer feel such a great need to use their personal vehicles, provided they travel in enough comfort in public transport. If the bus can get them there, save them fuel costs, and comfortably enough, they won't need to take the car out of the garage as often.

That's a logical solution. It's not a model - I'm not suggesting HOW to go about improving public transport. That's entirely separate. I'm just showing how logic can be made to endorse a belief. However, arguments are swiftly turning into "... in my personal opinion, I think we should do this. Why? ". What use is logic in the face of dogmatic belief and grandiose statements? It's easy to forget that all of these problems have been created in the same manner - an illogical consideration of an existing problem.

I no longer consent to my participation in that which is a futile exercise in self expression. That's it.

Of random hotness and funny comments.

The world has been playing tricks on me, of late. I watch myself, and reactions to me as I enter a room. I see how people react to me, and how I react to people. Patterns of behaviour and speech emerge that shock and amaze those that do not see them develop clearly. Reactions to bad jokes that are well told, and facial expressions that show wit.

I spent the last weekend in a city that has, since my departure from it 6 years ago, become a new place. Life seems to ebb and flow out of places that I would never have found myself visiting; yet, there, I walked in and felt like I belonged. The sea called out to me with its siren song, and I found myself entranced enough to spend hours watching an unchanging seascape. My mind was in immense amounts of peace.

But how does one describe this sensation? One cannot. The truth cannot be contained in the simple, horrible words we try to confine it to. So when I'm asked to describe an experience that is so intensely personal that parts of me do not understand what has happened, it's a little difficult to put your all into it. You stick to the small things, the shallow things, and hope that they go by without incident.

Oh, hell. Distracted, again. Getting back ...

I went to Bombay looking for memories. And I found them. I made some new ones, too. All in all, it was a satisfying experience. I'm beginning to realise that this is the first time that I've WON something in college. Come first. Not second, not also ran, but first. But these things never mattered to me ... It just seemed worth a mention.

What I did NOT go to Bombay for was adulation. Or generally freaky looks from the female gender. I've been to many extra curriculars, and found that there is usually a male nucleus to female drooling at such events. I've always watched, made disparaging comments about the nature of social relationships, and one night stands (if the drooling was getting excessive and I found myself avoiding puddles).

In Bombay, it took me a while to realise that I was becoming the guy I never wanted to be. I was cracking funny jokes and being myself, and gradually I found people clustering around me. I'd orchestrate conversation. Talk to the people who were interesting, and make them talk to other people. I felt a little like and arranger of music.

I couldn't understand this behaviour, and it makes me question myself and my beliefs about my own nature. I enjoyed it, but I didn't want to. And I despised it, hated it, and all that while I didn't want to do any of those things, either. But I did not behave oddly. I was at ease. I said things and acted like I do when I am in not so familiar company. I treated people like shit, and they came for more. I insulted them with a smile, and they laughed. I questioned their intellect, and they continued nodding at me in faked understanding, proving my point.

I'm growing increasingly paranoid about how I might become someone who uses people. Manipulates them. And somewhere, even though I can find no real grounds for this sort of fear, I do not wish to lose what I loosely consider my own humanity.