They get taken right out of your head. Like drops of condensation on the window. There a second; next, all one sees is a trail against the window, and the world outside looks just a little ... off where the trail is. Small, slippery, treacherous thoughts. The ones we can never be truly be rid of. The easy way out. The lonely path. The way to what might be peace, if you are a coward and scared of doing the right thing.
Sometimes I wish I was someone else. Something else. Just different enough to be in peace. Just happy enough to be real and live. Just for an instant. But I betray myself. Every second that I'm alive, I betray my own desires and wishes to just be. But if I were anything else, I would hate myself. This, I know. Sometimes, I marvel at the ability of my mind to change things about me easily. Unfortunately, the mind is the instigator of this sort of behaviour, and this sort of dilemna.
2 comments:
random people in faraway places seem like home. glad u r u.
at times I'm amazed at how I am so what I wanted to be.. but then could have been worse.
I think you should be glad that you are close to being who you want to be. Because the contradictions that arise out of the mix of desires and the need to control is destructive and dangerous. They cause a lot of pain and confusion, and I think that avoiding them at all should be something you should be thankful of.
Oh, and I'm glad I am me, too. It's just the rest of humanity I have issues with. :-)
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